Peer Review for 20709박대경

Grade
According to the rubric above, what grade would you give this essay? Why?
3점. refutation도 없고 conclusion도 없다.
How does this essay need to improve to get a better grade?
형식에 맞게 쓰면 좋을 듯.

Thesis
What is the thesis?
 Even though the anonymity on the Internet is important, it should not be guaranteed because of its harmful aspects.

Is the thesis clear and debatable?
Yes

If you (The reviewer) wrote this essay, how would you have written the thesis?
인터넷 실명제의 단점이 장점보다 더 큰 영향을 끼친다.

Any other thoughts?
없음

Classical Argument
Can you easily identify the 5 parts of the classical argument? If no, what parts are missing?
 4문단으로 되있으며 conclusion부분과 refutation 부분이 없는 듯 하다.

Does the introduction catch your attention? Does it comfortably lead to the thesis?
Can you imagine a day without the internet? 이라는 질문이 있는데 독자입장에서는 이러한 질문이 주제와 관련 없다는 생각을 하게 됨.

Does the narration give all the necessary background information to understand the topic?
인터넷 실명제의 배경지식 보다는 실례를 중심으로 설명한 것 같다.

Does the confirmation adequately support the thesis?
아니요. 사람들을 설득하기에는 증거가 너무 부족한 것 같다.

Does the refutation and concession address a realistic counterpoint? Does it adequately dispute the counterpoint, or respond in a reasonable manner?
refutation 부분이 없음.

Does the conclusion summarize the article and address the larger significance of the thesis?
conclusion 부분이 없음.

What suggestions do you have for improving the classical argument structure?
confirmation부분을 더 추가하고 narration과 refutation부분을 쓰세요.

Persuasion
When you started reading the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
 disagree

When you finished the essay, did you agree or disagree with the thesis?
disagree

If your mind changed, why? What parts of the essay were persuasive?
바뀌지 않았음. 왜냐하면 익명성을 막아버리면 자신의 의견을 자유롭게 표현할 수 없는데 그 부분에 대한 반박도 없고 주장하는 부분이 너무 약하기 때문이다.

How could the author enhance the persuasive parts of their essay?
자신의 주장을 좀 더 다양한 근거를 들어 말해야 할 것 같고, 반박부분에서 표현의 자유 침해와 같은 주장을 반박해야 할 것같다. 그리고 conclusion 부분을 써야할 듯.

Research
Is the author using research effectively?
no.

Is the research from appropriate sources?
Yes

Are the sources obvious?
yes

Are the pieces of evidence relevant to the thesis or essay?
관련이 있으나 좀 더 많은 research를 했으면 좋겠음.

Are there any parts of the essay that need evidence to support the claims?
confirmation부분에 의견 한가지가 아니라 여러가지 의견을 제시하고 그에 맞는 근거 자료를 써야할 것같다.